Friday, January 16, 2004

So I've wanted to link to this blog for a couple of weeks, but then how to introduce it stumped me. I started off thinking: wow this girl is everything I was as an angsty, identity searching teen. Then I remembered that I'd never been, nor in fact am I yet, as cerebral and switched on as this young lady. And I felt ashamed of myself - wanted to turn back time and do all that coming of age stuff so much better - with more grace, wit and style.
And while I was skulking around in the undergrowth of memory lane I kinda gave my toe an almighty stub on something hard and painful - my teenaged expectations of what I'd be and what my life would be when I was finally free of all the things that hold teens back (parents, predominantly).
Once upon a time, and we are in the land of make believe, I had such visions of myself as a fearless firebrand, an author perhaps, an icon (!). Loads of futures selves were trying to establish themselves. Perhaps this is the plurality of the bisexual - I really don't know, but whatever it is/was I certainly have betrayed it. Here I am living in one of the most exciting cities in the world and for all my involvement with it I may as well be back on the Isle.
Then there was another strand to my thinking about Leticia's blog. The fantasies about being devoured, consumed, reduced to meat. In recent posts it's sounded as though she's taken fright at just how powerfully people have responded to her. Well, I've no idea what lands in her mailbox, but I do know how they made me respond.
Where to start? First there's the tension between being disembodied and at the same time the opposite, reduced to only body, only meat. I guess we all want to be so consumed by sex, that nothing of conscious thought remains, ultimately that does mean being reduced to our physical sensations and literally eaten up. There's the losing control aspect - being at the mercy of not only someone else, but also of our own physicality. Somehow visualising that sex can free us from the straightjackets (spot the freudian slip! I know the correct spelling is straitjacket!!!) of our everyday lives, our socialisation. It's heady stuff, this being fed into a meat grinder business. At least that's how I identify with her fantasies.
I may return to this subject as it's stayed with me all this week. On a somewhat lighter note, the internet is the place for meat/sex fantasists, just watch who you talk to Leticia - there's people out there who would love to eat you alive and make your dreams come true.

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