Friday, February 27, 2004

On the table in the living room is our lease renewal waiting to be signed. We've been in this apartment for a year and there's so much about it that I love: the location; the view of St Pancras station in all its gothic glory out of our bedroom window; standing on the roof looking out across the city; the shape and size of the window in the living room, it has a certain cathedral-like grandeur; and practical things like the dishwasher and the really powerful shower. The list goes on and on, in fact it's easily the best apartment I've ever lived in... So why this strange reluctance to sign the lease renewal? We're not even signing up for a whole year, since with everything so precarious and housemate C looking to move out eventually a year was just too long. I've got itchy feet that's why and with all the events of the last few months, I'm beginning to feel extremely claustrophobic. I want to be hiking in Mexico. I have this vision of me in battered sandals, denim cut offs and a faded tee shirt, my face tanned and freckled by the sun, my hair tied back in a braid walking alone along a dusty track in search of tequila and chili. If only I could escape everything, but of course since the thing I most want to escape is myself, not even a trip to the Mexico of my dreams is going to solve the problem.

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