Wednesday, March 24, 2004

pendulum
I've got two competing post topics in my head and I've thought about both of them too much, so now I can't write about either of them as I would like. Post topic 1 is titled 'meet the grandparents' and I just haven't got the energy or patience to explain everything that should go into that post/essay. Also I want the tone to be right, I don't hate these people I pity them and am appalled by them, it needs to be witty, lighthearted, guess-what-they-did-then in tone and I'm so manically up and down right now I'm scared it will turn into a 'those psychopaths that share my blood: vampire tales of horror' kind of post. The second topic is 'how elegance can change your life'. I recently read Elegance by Kathleen Tessaro and strangely it's become a kind of liferaft. I'm a bit perturbed by this, but I'll take any kind of rescue package going. I want to write about the importance of valuing small things - the redeeming power that is generated by acts of self respect - laying the table for dinner, preparing food with love to nourish the body and senses. I also want to write about learning to prepare for transformation... Or am I caught up in modern-day fairy stories? Sliding Doors, My Big Fat Greek Wedding...girl changes make up, plucks eyebrows, cuts hair, gets dream job/husband/self? I want that narrative truth and, although I mock myself for clinging to it, at least it's giving me a sense of purpose a reason to get up and be constructive. I vacillate and question my own conclusions.

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