Saturday, April 17, 2004

I started to respond to Virginia's comment (see previous post) in the comment box, but then had so much to say I thought I may as well post it - hey it's my blog I can do that, ooh the power!

Wow, married after six weeks? The faith you must have had in each other (and in the strength of your own feelings) astounds me. We thought we were rushing into things by getting married after 18 months together, even though we'd been living together for almost all of that time.
My previous post was probably a little bit muddled up because it touched on two ideas:

  • My doubt that the romantic ideal of the one true soul mate exists outside of the imagination

  • That marriage is a process not a destination


  • I wasn't saying that I didn't commit when we got married or that I don't think that there is something sacred in the bond that connects two people (whether they've had the state recognise that bond or not). It just seems more precious to me (and more likely to last) if you remake that commitment to stay together every day rather than assuming it's a given. Sometimes, when the animator and I are having one of our strange 'lots of talking, but no mutual understanding' days I reflect on the differences in our world views. For example, for him our marriage is granite bedrock. It is the foundation that everything else is built on, he has no doubt that he will always love me and that we will always be married. If things were to go horribly wrong in the future he'll think of it in terms of cataclysm - an earthquake, an enormous sudden split. I, on the other hand, think of our marriage as somewhat akin to a coral reef: a beautiful, living, crystaline structure. A reef, given the right environment, not only flourishes and grows, it also provides a home. However, a reef is also fragile - it needs to be protected and here's where the analogy breaks down... Sometimes, while I envy the animator his certainty, I worry that we don't tend our marriage like we should. Essentially, life sometimes pollutes my coral reef, while it just washes off his granite bedrock. Am I writing gibberish?

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