Wednesday, February 23, 2005

the three little pigs
A new drama comedy set in central London (for the time being)
dramatis personae:
Little pig one, played by Badgergirl, is a young, hip girl about town
Little pig two, played by the animator, is a young, hip Australian
Little pig three, played by Housemate C, is a young, hip American dude
(All the little pigs are handsome/beautiful, lithe, astoundingly intelligent and witty)
Wolf, played by nearly everybody else in this story

Little pig three has decided to jet back to his homeland for a few weeks. He'll be back but not for long since what he really wants to do is wear a big stetson and live in a town where all the apartments have pools and gyms. Little pigs one and two spend long hours discussing what they should do now that the third little pig has grand plans for a big apartment of his own (with pool, gym and stetson). "I know!" says the first little pig. "We'll find our own house! We'll buy it and it will be lovely." Little pig two is unconvinced and wants to stay within walking distance of Covent Garden. The two little pigs talk to a representative from the piggy bank and marshal their scant resources. Little pig one starts to search. Here's one she says: it has one bedroom is a 30-minute walk from Vauxhall tube. She visits it, the building smells of wee and the flat needs a huge amount of work. She visits another flat in the area that doesn't smell of wee, but still remembers little pig two's desire to stay near zone one and her heart quails. She visits a third flat - this one is in Finsbury Park and has three bedrooms. "What's wrong with it?" Says the worldlywise little pig. "Nothing," says the estate agent. "It's built out of concrete," says the owner. But the first little pig has fallen in love and keeps pushing - what kind of concrete? Surely it will be okay because it isn't a high rise. The man at piggy bank says "Yes!" It seems he used to work for Del Monte. The little pigs push a pile of imaginary pennies towards the wolves. The man at the piggy bank calls back - "No! Stop! I gave them the address of Badger Mansions - a house made of bricks - your new house might look strong but these large panel slat (LPS) concrete houses are fragile. This is a straw house and the bank is wiser than you - we won't lend you any money to buy a house made of straw."
Piggy two is secretly relieved. He has found his own house in Marylebone, a one bedroom flat in need of modernisation. It is a brick house he says proudly. Look at the picture! Piggy one agrees it is indeed a brick house. But wait! Read the small print! The small print says that the leasehold only lasts for another six years. Little pig one is sad, she tells Little pig two the bad news: "Your brick house is built on stick foundations. The Del Monte man from the piggy bank won't say yes to this."
In the next episode the little pigs continue their search for a house made out of bricks.

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