Friday, July 21, 2006

I’ve been mulling this over for a few days and I’m still not sure that my cloudy musings have coalesced enough to share, but I’m going to try anyway. So…here’s my thinking.
I’ve established a routine and it’s good – I’m taking care of myself, of our home, of our relationship and my friendships, I’ve got (just about) enough time to think and read and nourish myself. I feel deeply invested in my routine and find it difficult to explain to others why this should be so (and why my new and precious routine should not be disturbed). In fact, perhaps I am at risk of tipping the balance too far and turning away from enriching experiences because I resent the interruption of my routine – in effect that I’ve created a regimen that cannot be altered. I’m also a little scared that a slip will make it impossible to regain my balance, but that fear is receding. And then it occurred to me. These routines have become rituals, a way of making the day a sacrament (an outward recognition of an inward happening). What if I said that my morning routine of airing the bed, straightening the sheet and making it (ensuring that it looks beautiful) was a ritual designed to nourish and respect my marriage? Would that sound ridiculous?
Whatever way I say it; these little things that I now repeat daily or weekly are giving me a sense of focus and calm.

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