A: er, um...
I'm learning that people lose all sense of propriety when faced with an up-the-duff woman. I'm not a hugger or a sharer in the workplace; I'm friendly but not intimate with my co-workers. That has been no bar to certain individuals and I find myself tormented by the subtext of their comments and questions.
Q: How far along are you?
Trans: When did you have sex then?
Q: Was it planned?
Trans: Been using contraception have we?
Q: Is TA pleased?
Trans: [where do I start] Did you trick him into it then? Is it his? Will he be sticking by you?
Q: Have you started shopping yet?
Trans: Wait a minute, you two are poor as church mice aren't you, how are you going to afford this?
Q: When will you be moving?
Trans: That hovel you live in isn't fit for small human habitation.
Q: When are you coming back to work?
Trans: Are you a lucky slacker or a Daily Mail-baiting irresponsible mother?
You'll be a great mother.
Trans: I have no idea what kind of mother you'll be, but I don't know what to say next after only now realising that I've just interrogated you.
The worst thing is - I think I've done the same to other women in the past. I'm dreading people wanting to touch up my belly - ugh!