Friday, February 27, 2009

onwards and upwards
Yep, we're moving. TA's extended probation came to an end and with it his employment, which - after two months of sniping and bullying - was quite a big relief. So. We're off to Melbourne to start afresh. So many thoughts, ideas, hopes, fears. So much hanging in the balance. It's scary times again. And we all know that last time we were in this position we both lost our minds; better watch out that doesn't happen again. Sprout helps keep us grounded and focused on the here and now, but a little part of me still wants to up sticks entirely - Bali, Thailand? - anywhere hot and cheap where I can teach English and lie on a beach sipping something iced and deadly alcoholic. Part of me wonders how I got so old.

Friday, February 20, 2009

post-grad peachy
I never really 'got' Angela Carter the first time round. Shame. I get her now. The blood. The confusion. The pride. Motherhood was supposed to resolve the conflictions, not enhance them. I'm very slow.
we will storm any fortress
Sometimes, about once or twice a month or, if I'm lucky, more, I get this amazing rush. I suppose something like Tony Robbins feels all the time: personal power. Or, if you grew up in a new-age house like I did, Kundalini rising (though the feminist in me - she's still there - finds the snake imagery inappropriate).*
I will overcome.
Whether it's directed at myCGpimp, the novel in utero or the impending financial meltdown (personal and/or global) - I am filled with an intoxicating sense of self belief. If I knew where to get it, I would keep drinking the Koolaid. (thank you, PR agency, you have changed my personal terms of reference forever) Actually, more often than not the Koolaid is words - as Elizabeth Smart's biographer wrote of her: she got turned on by words. Me too, me too.

*As an imagery and feminist theory-obsessed undergraduate I was rather partial to the idea of the uterus as ram (yes, I know, gender confusiontastic) battering its way out of the body: head down and CHARGE!
My bedroom door in the third year of uni featured two adornments: a bleached skull of a ram and a line of self-penned poetry that had been turned into a negative by the typewriter's ribbon: 'bloodeagled by your eager eye'. Pretentious, moi?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

release
That's what we're looking for, isn't everyone? We're both so tired of laying track as fast as we can while the train's whistle sounds in our ears. We read Four Hour Work Week and a light that had been flickering for years went on and stayed on. Now, I veer from messianic self belief to crippled with doubt. The audacity of stupidity, perhaps, but we tell each other - it has to work. And if it doesn't we'll try something else. As TA, in his Aussie way, says, "Throw enough shit on the wall and some of it will stick."
Anyway, today I wrote our launch press release, ready for when the site is finished. Those three years at the PR agency will stand me in good stead, I hope.
The final aim is to move to Gippsland - yes, charred and smoking Gippsland - and live the self-sufficient dream. Meanwhile, I make yogurt, mother Sprout, create an online presence, look for a new day job for TA and continue to work on myCGpimp. Interesting times...

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

envy
TA is sad - he's missed out on ten centimetres. 'S no big deal,' I say to him, but we both know that's not true. Depth does matter. TA imagines how much fun he could be having taking the pupster and Sprout out to play. Cold seems like such a comforting, cosy idea when it's 40C outside.
Meanwhile, in the sweat and stink of our little study, we hatch our plans for world domination and financial security. It's a strange time to be launching a new business, except Australia - for the most part - seems to be singing 'la, la, la - it's not happening' while sticking collective fingers in ears. It really is all upside down here.